The other night I got a call from a close family member (I’ll be vague to protect her privacy.)
She told me that she has a stalker and she doesn’t know what to do. She’s terrified.
She went on a few dates with this guy and then realized they weren’t compatible so she told him she didn’t want to go out again.
Unfortunately, this guy (like most psychos) didn’t take it very well that she no longer wanted to date him.
Even worse, this guy lives in her apartment complex. She started getting texts and calls all of the time such as…
“Where are you going now?”
“I really like that red shirt you’re wearing today”
“How come you’re getting home so late?”
“Who is that guy I just saw with you?”
Those were some of the milder and less threatening messages. But this guy was watching her around her apartment complex and even where she works.
She told me that one night he took it so far that she was sick to her stomach and couldn’t even sleep.
All of this had apparently been happening over a two-week period and my relative also said he’d done this to a previous girl he’d dated in the same complex.
So here’s what I told her to do:
- The number one thing you need to do if you have a stalker is to NEVER respond to them. When you respond to their calls or texts (even if it’s to cuss them out and tell them to go away) in their sick minds they believe it means you like them. After all, if you didn’t like them you wouldn’t have taken the time to message them back. I realize this takes a good deal of restraint but you have to ignore them.
- You must be super aware and switch up your routines. My relative lives in a large apartment complex and it turns out this guy could see her car from where he lives. I told her to park in another location so that he couldn’t just look out the window to see if she was home or not.
- Tell everyone you know about the stalker. Most people are embarrassed about a stalker and my relative told me that she had hesitated calling me. However, you need people on your side. You need to tell everyone living around you to keep an eye out for the guy so they can alert you when he comes around.
- Arm yourself. You must have a way to defend yourself. Most stalkers are harmless losers, but there is the percentage who turn into murderers so you can’t take any chances. My relative told me she didn’t want to carry a gun but she was comfortable with the Stun Gun Flashlight which is great alternative if you don’t want to carry a gun.
- Know when to call the police. You have to trust your gut and call the police if the stalker doesn’t eventually get bored and go away. In this case, I told my relative to call the police because he’d crossed the line. The big problem is, calling the police can go one of two ways: First, it can scare them straight and they will leave you alone. Or, it can fuel their fire and make it worse. This is why if you do call the police I recommend going to stay somewhere else for a few days just to be safe. (My relative went and stayed at another relative’s house close by.)
- Forget about restraining orders, they are worthless. If the police can’t scare them straight and make it stop then you may have to move. And, if you don’t want to move then you better be armed at all times and never be walking around with your head down staring at a cell phone.
The bottom line is, there is no 100% perfect answer for dealing with a stalker and it’s often case by case. But, if you do follow the suggestions above you’ll be in a much better position to keep yourself safe and to get rid of the person stalking you.